At first, we touched on the questions in the paper slip he gave us in the class (I think...). But, if I'm not mistaken, after he mentioned about a question relating the ownership of guns in America, he started to lead us into that topic. "Not everyone around you can be trusted."With the serious expression of his and the face which was actually only a few years older than us, he said, "I know something better than you all. Being just a few years older, I have experienced it and went through it". He just threw everything out (although not really everything) and with the tone of a middle-aged-man, he advised us "Don't judge a book by it's cover" which he eventually repeated it for three times. "Don't judge a book by it's cover","Don't judge a book by it's cover". The whole class just sat there starring at him while listening to his advice. (It's kind of creepy if he does this every time he enters the class) "Trust me, not everything which looked nice from the outside is nice. Things always turn out to be the opposite one" "Maybe a few will start to show their true colours in the end of this sem, I'm not trying to....erm...you know what I mean, don't you?"...... Still...... Everybody was sitting still, like rocks, pausing in the middle of silence for a few seconds......still.
"Okay!"
Everything just resumed at the fastest speed as if we were trying to avoid from that topic. Class continued as if nothing happened but I could still hear the sound of the air-conditioner. This is how the topic started and ended briefly, just a bit slower than Tachibanna's death.(only AUSMAT students know this)While you're proceeding to next section, listen to this :http://www.imeem.com/theveronicas/music/7W3SwW4f/the_veronicas_when_it_all_falls_apart/
In my eighteen years and almost eight months living on this Earth, not many people told me about these things. People seemed to avoid it, very hard. Mr. Derick, you are not the first one nor the second I have heard from. The first one was from a girl in a camp which I attended when I was Form 4. It's a motivation camp held by INTI college in Penang and a few schools were asked to send some students to attend it. I attended with my brother and a few friends. (Ah Beng went too!!) It was a 2 day and a night camp. Generally, it's the first time I realised how weak am I in conversing in English. On the first night of the camp at around 10, we had a sharing session called "DROP". (or whatever name, as long as it's EMO) Before the session starts, we were asked to explore the college compound by our own, majorly the field and places which had no light or dimly lit. While we were exploring the place, we were asked to find our own seat and sit therere, close our eyes and let our mind be empty, while listenning to the surrounding sound. I chose a tree at the side of the basketball field facing the college and sat down. It was almost completely silent, just the sound of leaves being blown by the wind. (FOR YOUR INFORMATION, the premise of INTI is located on a small hill. arhh..sounds like Ms. Prema....for your information)
During that period of sitting under the tree, that's the first time I felt so lonely, helpless. My mind just felt so EMPTY. I don't know why, but I just don't like that kind of feeling. Although I felt that my brain was empty, I stil can feel something. I just don't know how to describe.
(eight minutes passed....) We heard the sound of the whistle being blowed faintly from far. It's a sign of the beginning of the sharing session. We gathered and sat down again, in a circle. A candle was lighted by the trainer. "Now, all of you can share whatever you wish to share at here. Anything. Just hold the candle and voice it out..." In my mind, I was thinking "Are you joking, only nerds do that. Besides, you're not my friends or my family members. Why should I?" Looked like everybody was having the same mindset as mine, unwilling to pour out anything, not even a drop of it. In order to make us voice out, the trainer started to talked about his life, career, family, studies, hobbies, love, troubles met by him.......everything. After he had finished his sharing, miraculously, one of the participants took the candle from him. It was a she, a girl from Jit Sin private high school, have dark skin and was short. She talked about how she feels in school who had been the top three in her school but later deteriorates. Later, a few more participants shared about their life and opinion. Then, it was the turn of that girl I mentioned earlier.
She was my teamate and her name was Eunice, a Chinese girl from Penang Chinese Girl School. (I don't think Jaevon will know her because she's an art student) While I first met her in the camp, I get the impression of cheerful and bubly. She always smiles and was rather chatty. But, she was like another person when she shared her schoolife. She said she had a best friend who always be with her since primary school until secondary school. They did their homework, watched movies, went for jogging, talked about craps and boys, attended camp, did their revision and many other things which would be done together by a pair of good friends. They developed a strong friendship between each other but things don't always end in the way you wanted it to end. After PMR, they need to choose which stream to study. Both of them chose to go into the art stream but they were arranged in different classes. For the first time, they were separated. She paused for a while before continuing her story. She said she started to notice that how much her friend had changed. She told us that her result was not bad among all the art students but her friend who used to be the better one started to show the sign of deteriorating. Their friendship faded in just half a year. Unlike those years before, they don't cycle together anymore, they won't call each other in the middle of the night to gossip about school events and they just don't feel like friends anymore. She said she tried to talked to her friend, but everything seemed to just fall further apart while she was trying to go deeper into their problems. Her friend who was overwhelmed with envy and hatred was no longer a friend to her and . She tried to let go but she just can't let a freindship which lasted for years just fall like that. She still grip it deeply in her heart. Things had not ended.
In a few months later, she hit a low again in her student life. The rumours of she's betraying her boyfriend spead like wildfire spreading in the dry bush in the desert. (she has a boyfriend) Later, they broke up. It was not the worst until she discovered that her boyfriend turned to her friend. She had a doubt in their relatioship. She confronted her frined and finally her friend admitted that the rumour was spread actually by her. The reason was jealousy. That's the first time she understood how it feels when you were betrayed by the one you trusted though she does not deserve your trust. She stopped at that point and we heard nothing but the weeping sound of her.
Before she passed the candle the candle to others, she said "Why? Why can't our relationship endure the corrosion of time?....It won't........ I thought we will." Her face sinked into darkness.
......................................
That was the first time i ponder about the
relationship among human beings. It is strong, yet weak. It can last forever while few just last for years. It can bring joy and spice up your life, yet it gives someone the knife to hurt you again and again.......Do you trust the people around you? I won't say it out, it's not my culture,just like what Tachibanna say, "You don't say it. When you say it, its not true."
Memories!
